


Haunted

by GallifreyanPhD



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eruri Week 2020, First Kiss, I See Dead People, M/M, Mourning, love a good bonfire, post-ACWNR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:49:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27679010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GallifreyanPhD/pseuds/GallifreyanPhD
Summary: "It was evening, back at the base, and a few dozen scouts gathered around a bonfire, sharing wine and chatting. They did this every year, to remember those they had lost. Levi hung back, antisocial as usual. Erwin was staring at the fire, and Levi was staring at him."Eruri week 2020, day 8: free day. Inspired by Dani and Jamie's first kiss in The Haunting of Bly Manor.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 4
Kudos: 63





	Haunted

About 6 months after Levi joined the survey corps, they had a big bonfire. It had been a good expedition - the last of the year, Levi had been told, before the weather turned too cold to ride out. Despite the expedition’s success, the celebration was muted that night.

It was evening, back at the base, and a few dozen scouts gathered around a bonfire, sharing wine and chatting. They did this every year, to remember those they had lost. Levi hung back, antisocial as usual. Erwin was staring at the fire, and Levi was staring at him.

Distracted by the flames, it took Erwin a few moments to recenter his focus when Commander Shadis stood up and addressed the crowd. Shadis started a toast to everyone on the expedition, and shared memories, but choked up before the namings. Erwin had to step in, gently taking the list of names from the commander. Shadis stepped back, clutching a bottle.

Erwin read the name of every soldier who had died that year. After each name, a pause. Some soldiers would take a drink. Erwin did not. He maintained the same composure for every name, including Farlan Church and Isabel Magnolia.

Finally, Erwin said the last name, folding the paper gently back together. Mike handed him a bottle and Erwin took a big swig of wine before pouring the last bit out. He looked around to those who would remain reminiscing for a while yet, gave a small smile and nod to whoever was looking before turning back toward the barracks. He spoke to Mike softly, who gave him a few more bottles of wine to drop off with the soldiers in the infirmary.

Levi watched him walk away, knowing he would be heading straight from the infirmary to his office. It’s where he always went, always working. And though Erwin had looked especially tired this evening, Levi knew it was likely that his bed would be untouched by morning.

Levi took a last moment at the bonfire, silently wishing Farlan and Isabel peace, before heading toward the barracks as well.

* * *

Levi barely slept, as usual.

In the early hours of the morning, he decided to head to the kitchen to make himself a pot of tea, which he would bring to Erwin’s office. After their first expedition together, it had quickly become routine that they kept each other company at night. He also had a blanket resting over his shoulder, recently washed and dried, that he kept in Erwin’s office for when he fell asleep there. It had a tear that he would mend while he sat with Erwin tonight.

But Erwin’s office was empty. Levi stepped inside, frowning. He set down his tea tray by the window and, by the light of the mostly-full moon, he found the small sewing kit he kept there. He looked out the window as he pocketed the kit, observing that the bonfire had died down and been abandoned.

But no, he saw the outline of someone stoking a small fire back to life. Levi grabbed his tray and blanket, relocking the door before heading out.

Erwin was sitting, leaning toward what remained in the pit, staring into the embers. Levi saw purpling bags under his eyes, exposed by the low light of the fire.

Erwin didn’t move when Levi set the tea tray down on top of the outer brick of the bonfire pit, where the residual heat would keep the kettle warm. He didn’t react either when Levi set the thin blanket over his shoulders, other than to pull it a bit tighter around himself. 

Levi sat down and poured out hot tea into two mugs, holding one out to Erwin, fingers gripping the rim of the cup. Erwin moved his hand to take the handle, flittering a small smile and a thankful glance Levi’s way. Suddenly, as if Erwin had been scalded, he jerked his hand and the mug dropped to the ground between them. Levi picked it up, frowning, and his frown deepened when he saw that Erwin still had his hand held out and was staring intently over Levi’s shoulder. 

Levi moved quickly, holding an arm out as if to shield Erwin, ready to defend. But there was nothing in the space where Erwin was looking. Levi’s eyes narrowed, and he heard a soft “I’m sorry, Levi. How foolish of me.” Levi turned back to see Erwin gently holding the dirty mug, brow furrowed and eyes tired.

“Don’t be. I knew you were distracted.”

Levi grabbed the other mug, still full of tea, and offered it to Erwin. Erwin looked at it, then up to Levi’s face. “We can share?” he offered. 

Levi gave a nod and watched as Erwin took the cup, gripping it firmly this time, and brought it to his lips, breathing in the steam before taking a slow sip. He handed it back to Levi, and they spent the next few minutes sipping from and passing the mug between them until it was empty. Levi then poured another, until the kettle was empty as well. 

Levi set the mug and kettle back on the tray, adjusting it to his particularities. Erwin’s smile was small as he watched Levi arrange the tray, but, Levi thought, it was the first genuine smile of the evening.

“I’m not gonna ask if you’re alright, ‘cause I don’t like being lied to.”

The smile was strained, now. “It was.. I mean, it wasn’t....” Erwin cleared his throat. “I see them, sometimes.” At some point, Erwin had taken out the list of names, and was absentmindedly running his index finger over the creases in the page. “On nights like these, they feel closer, like they know we’re thinking of them.”

Levi had turned himself toward Erwin, waiting for him to continue.

“Usually, uh.. most don’t do much, just... exist. But, sometimes, I’ll find one staring at me, and I know.. I see the way they died, even if I wasn’t there at the time to watch it happen. The mug was, uh,” He smiled tightly, wavering, like he knew this sounded insane, and Levi’s attention should have been making him self-conscious, but it never did.

“That was someone, I did see... I was there when he died. A titan, a ten-meter, had hold of him, and two of us were rushing toward it, my squad leader going for the nape and myself going for the hand, to cut him out. But it didn’t.. _I_ didn’t get there. I was so close, though, enough to see the teeth, sinking into his skull... to hear the snap of bone... and there was blood, and brain matter…” Erwin took a shuddering breath. “And a moment later it was cut down, and falling, and it was so hot. I was reaching out for him and the steam burnt my palm.” He looked down at his hand. “The burn didn’t last long, but it was sharp, and when I grabbed the mug, felt the heat, I saw his head, half chewed-off and-- and _spilling_ …”

Erwin’s lips were trembling and he reached to cover them with that hand, dragged it across his face as if trying to wipe away the memory of titan blood. He fell silent, eyes distant. His hand dropped into his lap, exposing lips pressed tightly together.

Levi had scooted closer, and reached for his arm, pulled it into the space above his own lap. Levi ran gentle fingertips across the palm, as if checking for burns, and despite finding only healthy, calloused skin, continued to hold Erwin’s hand in both of his, holding firm where Erwin was shaking. Erwin breathed in deeply, gripped one of Levi’s hands and squeezed, before he exhaled and pulled away.

“I’ve never talked about this with anyone,” Erwin said softly. He looked up to see Levi watching him, steady. Always steady. 

“I see,” said Levi, “In my dreams, I see them, too. Not everyone, just… those that I couldn’t save.” A pause. “I know, what it’s like to have some.. to be, haunted.”

Levi had looked away, but looked back now, considering. “Do you see any, now?” Erwin looked around, and shook his head.

“Good.” Levi raised his voice. “If anyone is out there, I should warn you: don’t fuck with Erwin while I’m around.” Erwin smiled, teary-eyed. “And even when I’m not, I’m never far away.”

“Look,” Levi said, and at once Erwin’s gaze is back, focused entirely on Levi, watching his mouth as he spoke. “You’re not crazy, or alone, or--”

Erwin’s lips were on his, and Levi breathed in sharply. Erwin pushed forward into the kiss. Levi’s hands rose, tentative, before they rested on Erwin’s cheeks and he kissed him back. Erwin’s lips pulled the breath from Levi as they parted, just enough to rest their foreheads together.

Erwin, also breathless, “I’m… this, this is okay?” 

“Yes,” Levi answered him with another kiss. “Yes,” hands moved into Erwin’s hair to bring him closer, “yes,” then gripped at his shoulder to pull him in. When they pulled apart, Erwin’s hand was over Levi’s, and Levi turned it to bring him close and place a gentle kiss on his palm. There was no burn, but the skin tingled where Levi’s lips touched.

“Thank you, Levi.”

Levi smiled briefly, and they sat together under the blanket. When the flames were gone, Levi stood. “You need to sleep. Proper sleep, in a bed, not in your office.” Levi held out his hand. “Let’s go.”

* * *

Levi escorted Erwin to the captain’s quarters. He ushered Erwin into his room, assisted him in taking off his jacket and moved to hang it up in the closet while Erwin got himself into the bed.

Levi was headed back in the direction of the door, when he heard, “Levi...”

Levi nodded, pulling up a chair, as he had planned, and Erwin protested weakly, “Wait, I can’t ask you to-“

“Then don’t.” Levi cocked an eyebrow at him. “Unless you’re ordering me to leave?”

“Would that stop you?” Levi smiled and set down the chair right next to the head of the bed, then turned to address Erwin, and looked into his tired eyes. “I take guard-duty very seriously, and this is the best vantage point in the room.”

Erwin’s hands clutched at the blanket, and he looked like he would continue protesting for the sake of Levi’s comfort. Levi saved him from having to respond with a nod to the blanket. “You can hand that over.”

Erwin hesitated, then conceded with a small nod and a smile. Levi set it on his chair, then checked the door, the window, and finally the bed, before looking back to Erwin, who had since sunken into the comfort of the mattress.

Levi pulled the sheets up to cover more of Erwin, before he settled into his watch, needle and thread in hand. The sounds of Erwin’s breathing and occasional snores kept him company until morning.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Jamie and Dani's first kiss in ep 4 of the miniseries, The Haunting of Bly Manor. I listened to the soundtrack of that scene ("I Think I'm Crazy" by The Newton Brothers) while writing. Highly recommend if you wanna get spooky. I love the way they explore trauma and grief. I see a lot of similarities between Levi and Jamie. I see similarities between Erwin and Dani too, and Erwin would appreciate Owen's awful puns.
> 
> I realized while writing this that I'm averaging about 1 eruri fic a year. Joined the fandom in 2016 so that makes 4, which is 4 more than I've written for any other pairing or fandom. I'm tempted to compare this amount of content to other creators who make so much more than me, but my therapist said I need to give myself more credit for all the things that I _have_ done, so I've decided I will be proud of what I've made instead of ashamed of what I haven't.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this fic!


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